As a recurring bonus to the Riff essay, we sporadically present Five-Ku: five haiku poems about a current celebrity or cultural phenomenon. (Past examples include haikus about Susan Sarandon, Russell Crowe and classic horror films.)
This week in Five-Ku, we present five short poems on the career of Channing Tatum. During the extensive research and reporting phase of this project, however, we made an important discovery: Channing Tatum's name is delightfully, and quite possibly infinitely, anagrammable.
So while our five haikus started out relatively conventionally, they were quickly colonized by the parade of irresistible "Channing Tatum" anagrams:
First rule of Tatum:
Shorter the hair, better the
Movie. Bank on it.
His success foretold?
''Channing Tatum'' anagram
For ''Acting manhunt.''
Then again, also
For ''Thin-act gunman.'' As well
as ''Macing that nun.''
And ''Manic gnat hunt.''
And ''Chanting, am nut.'' O.K.,
Enough anagrams.
Those ''Magic Mike'' abs —
Sorry — can't resist one more.
Here: ''Cunning? Am that.''
There are, in fact, even more excellent and resonant anagrams — or, as you might call them, channingrams — you can generate from Channing Tatum: for example, "Gunman can't hit." Or "Can't, Ma — hunting." Or "Hangman cut tin." Or "Man hunting cat." Or "Tang than cumin." Or "Cunning at math." Or "Giant nun match." Or "Mutt-canning. Ha!"
(This may be a good time to confess that all of these anagrams were discovered through the indispensable Internet Anagram Server, the name of which is also, ingeniously, an anagram for I, Rearrangement Servant.)
But there was one eerily appropriate anagram that we didn't include in our Five-Ku, but which is worth reproducing here. First, some back story:
WARNING: FAINT-OF-HEART, LOOK AWAY!
All right then.
An oft-told story by Tatum recounts the time, during the filming of "The Eagle," when a production assistant mistakenly poured boiling water over him while he stood in a river wearing a wet suit. The water pooled, as water does, and unfortunately resulted in Tatum's manhood being scalded. (For the gorier details, see this article or this article. Or this one.) Tatum has always joked about it and claimed he survived the incident with no lingering aftereffects.
But can we really be sure? To the anagram generator!
This telling anagram, presented here in haiku form, would seem to definitively corroborate his story:
Filming "The Eagle,"
Boiling water blanched privates.
But: "Hung man intact."
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